motorcycle narcissus

how desperately she looked

at me 

consumed by her feelings 

but I wasn't there

I forgot to be present 

why? 

my damned motorcycle

wouldn't start

I turned it over and over 

in my stupid mind

carburetor, regulator,

vaccuum leak? 

"yes" I nodded to 

a question she asked

but I didn't hear 

"yes, hmm, yes"

her hands were reaching out 

I took them

ashamed of my thoughts 

"my husband wants a divorce" 

"yes that's going around" I said 

"what?" 

"oh nothing," I purred

it's always this with her 

the ever impending 

d-i-v-o-r-c-e

she'll talk about him

for the next hour 

we used to be more than 

these conversations 

we were something 

magical

I look into her eyes 

to find the old truth 

I'll see her soul I gaze 

so deep 

but her eyes are mirrors

I see myself

I see my spark plugs 

I can't look away 

damn-it I'll need to 

take the carburetor off 

this is your going

this is your going

away 

without a consummation 

with an eye on jesus

away

from hot blood and 

nature's force 

with a whimper 

green wood to dust 

driven by the lunatic 

dream of money 

but we will both 

grow old regardless 

time chiseled on our 

twin faces

i cannot betray the 

original impulse 

(no matter how far 

the steel-cold distance) 

given like a falling star 

cradled as an ember 

in these hands 

that knew you 

i still see her

i still see her wind blown hair

there beside the sunny water

before the world was hustle bustle

there was green grass and 

golden summer halos 

around our tossing heads

she said, "what if life is all a circle?"

which made me smile

because here i was

but what could i say

that life's a mystery?

she licked her lips and

suddenly i didn't care

if life's a circle or a square

what mattered was

she was there

with sky in her perfect eyes

when she looked at me

on the last day of forever

on the last day of forever

the dark trees shuffle 

against a purple evening sky, 

"soon you'll die

soon you'll die" 

the needled forest 

sang in chorus 

"soon you'll die" 

and i was snug inside 

my rain-pattered car 

far from a hard-shelled road 

as mist filled the silent space 

outside my window 

I dreamed of her 

so far away

on the last day of forever