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AN INTERROGATION OF THE "REAL" IN ALL ITS GUISES



Hamm: What's happening?
Clov: Something is taking its course.
Beckett




Wednesday, 10 March 2010

A series of unfortunate events

The past few weeks have not been easy.. First I heard of a close relative who attempted suicide. Dealing with the realization that someone I love, loved herself so little and felt so lost and alone that she could attempt to end her life was stunning to me.. I was literally stunned.

The second news I heard actually came to me before it ever hit the mainstream media: Fred Preston, a man who lived literally three doors away, a man who was a member of the church I grew up in, who I've known my entire life, had shot and killed a police officer just a short drive from where I live now, some 4-5 hours from my hometown. Anyone who has grown up in a small town will understand how quickly news can travel, and before the shooter's identity was ever displayed in the media, I had called my parents and asked them if it could possibly be true, if they had heard anything about Fred. Dad served for years on the same township council as Fred and it was through the current reeve that the rumours I had heard from local friends here (who of course had never heard of a "Fred Preston" but had gleaned this information from their neighbours) were true. The impact of this is still resonating within me, within the community of Sundridge, within my family. It's been a horrific experience to live here where Officer Pham worked and hear the opinions and feelings of the locals about Fred, a man they've never met or known, to see Fred's picture in the local papers and news broadcasts, to read the comments made by people on websites about this tragedy, to go to school but a few blocks from where Fred is recovering from his wounds and feel torn inside about whether or not I should go over there and try to see him (I know this would be impossible) while at the same time feel the guilt rise up when I think about Pham's wife and three children who have been left without a father and partner.. I've spent hours and hours trying to put it all together.. I've watched reporters interview people in my hometown and felt the sadness well up inside myself when these honest people can only hang their heads and lower their voices: "I just can't believe Fred would do something like this."

Has it been a tough couple of weeks? Yes more than I can ever articulate. Can I find a redeeming something here? Can I make this into a lesson, a study of human behaviour? Can I say, "Here's what we can learn from this?" I can.. yes it is possible.. but my heart isn't in it. My heart is broken, along with my communities' heart. It is during these moments that I realize what "community" means.. and you precious soul who reads, Sundridge is indeed a community. When one (and yes two) of its sons fall, the community falls. It will not point a finger at Fred: it will weep for Fred. It will not justify Fred: it will weep for Pham. This is no lesson.. it is pain and it is loss. It is a series of events which are not just unfortunate, but tragic.

4 comments:

  1. Time for Fred's family to pull the plug on this criminal. He's cost Ontario's taxpayers enough already. Stop the waste - come on Preston family - don't help increase our provincial deficit any faster

    You may have fond memories of him - but to the rest of us paying the bills for his Victoria Hospital care; he's nothing more than a cop killer.

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  2. Christopher, fair enough, but I'm afraid I don't have the luxury of the same level of cold objectivity that you and perhaps many others share..

    I will say this, whether it's Fred or any other person in his situation, whether it's a criminal or violent offender, I cannot reduce a life to an economic denominator. People, for me, are never reducible to dollars and cents..

    I wonder what the difference is between the one who takes life, and the one who reduces life to money...?

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  3. Jere.... *hug* There's nothing else that can be said.

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  4. well jeremy, dsuicide deflates or better clallanges the optiimism about life and all the cultural props that support it. And so it should-i think- because at bottom we are all criminals, and worse , deluded stupid criminals.

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