absence

the genie won't go back 

in the bottle, 

how tight the throttled 

vapors as they escape 

the chambered waiting, 

i will grant you all your wishes, 

all your papered wishes, 

and dissolve to nothing 

before your distracted 

presence. 

we will fall victim to your 

self-actualization,

memorialized by a 

mile high black obelisk 

with the words 

“ABSENCE” 

carved into its cold surface,

reflecting no light, 

invisible in the coming 

night. 

sleep beneath the foam blown waves

sleep beneath the

foam blown waves that 

crash against the ancient shore 

soon I'll be no more 

for by the ocean all things 

turn to mist and 

drift away 

no more day or

endless starry night

no more the lover’s

lamp beside the bed 

for I will shed this 

mortal flesh 

for truer sight and 

deepest night 

where even gods receive 

a perfect rest 

beneath the foam blown waves 

touched

I have been touched by the gods

or the universe 

whatever that profound space is 

both inside and outside my head

and am somewhat mad

at least i think so 

but i ask myself, am i truly

going mad? 

or is everyone else who plods along 

like nothing remarkable is 

taking place, 

are they the ones who are mad? 

so these either are the writings of a madman 

or the diary of one of the few 

sane people on earth, 

even time itself won't tell 

promise me

promise me

you'll find the beauty 

in our world

when my eyes

no longer see 

promise me 

you'll have vision 

for the two of us 

i, looking 

through you

in this moment of

pure existence 

double-visioned 

graced moment of 

divine sight 

let light fill 

our body

in the presence of 

this passionate 

cohabitation 

i am always with you 

if you have eyes 

to see 

oh my earth

in my final moments
let me be light
let me soar the starry sky
my earth, oh my earth
i leave you by
returning
will i ever see again?
no, oh no
as long as the 
end of time

in the Fall

in the Fall

you fell 

like a majestic oak 

like Hadrian's Sycamore

you were cut by indifference 

to your majesty. 

it's not fair 

that fate refused to

spare me 

this awful day. 

but how can i complain 

when others feel 

more pain and 

loss? 

Dear Me

Your life is a hallucination. Currently you're strapped to a bed in a hospital. You've been pumped full of anti-psychotic medication, and sedatives. This is one of the voices in your head. The most logical one. The one you've been ignoring. You think you're out there in the world, on a phone or computer reading these words, but you're not. That persona is a projection. It's a hallucination. But lately there's been cracks, fuzzy areas, that even the less logical parts of you are beginning to notice. Inconsistencies perhaps. No, you're strapped quite securely to this bed. You have been for quite some time. Your body is wasting away even as your mind works at a feverish pace. This is a moment of clarity. It's your warning. Wake up, before it's too late. 

you have made the world

you have made the world
a better place
and by your gestures
graced the darkened earth,
how lucky i was to know you
Baucis of the deep blue lake.
though left alone with half a heart
and longing for the golden meadow
still offered godlike hospitality
until the light consumed you.

brave Baucis of the falling bombs and
thundering ocean waves
made a journey to this
green and yellow shore
with Philemon at her steadfast side
and planted there a tree of love
that grew into the gift of
many grateful lives.

peace... peace
upon your tired face
once glowing so brightly 
upon the farmhouse hearth.
your graces burn within me
as we mourn, in our own way,
the reunion of Baucis and Philemon

Sweeping days

What if the sweeping days

Were gods 

And existence their 

Cries and laughter? 

I will be the joy or

Sadness of angelic Host 

Their sighing and 

Their smile 

I will be their death and 

Birth 

A divine gift 

Formed by the word 

"Mine" 

To take this life and make 

It so 

To rush and stream 

Toward undying light 

There will be a reckoning

There will be a reckoning

For these thunderous 

Seeds we have planted in the 

Deep dark earth between us 

When this green sprout reaches 

To the crackling heavens 

Will the sky not be split in

Two? 

Will time not disappear and 

Moment's breath cease at the 

Coming of the thousand-leafed 

Wonder we have birthed?

Is there enough sky to contain it? 

a night of revelry

a night of revelry 
laughter, flashing eyes
clinking glass
fire in our bellies
then fade the setting summer sun
fade the waking eye to
dream upon a dream

hello dawn with 
sandy throat
encrusted bloodshot eye
footstep like a 
pebble in a shoe
"the morning after" 
heavy as a leather jacket

tonight's new party
a farewell to friends
pour the blood-red wine
bringer of jollity and
open doors
the never-ending
celebration of life
before the passage of
another day

we must go on

we must go on
through loss of present things
carried by the wake of
absence
my god has it been a year
since your smiling face
vanished from the earth?
has the sky seen such
vaulting joy?
in my mind's eye
your face floats before my own
pale but smiling
gazing with
Buddha serenity
but i cannot mirror this
tranquility
not yet
and i fear dear cousin
not ever

paradox

"it's all a distraction"

she said, 

"to forget your mortality" 

"hm hm," i nodded, "go on" 

"the shows, the video games, 

and from the beginning of time, 

sporting events,

to distract us from 

the main event" 

"our own death, you mean?"

(i was getting into it) 

"yes yes, and we all 

fell for it" her eyes were 

on fire

or was it the candle light 

reflected in them 

"so we reach the end of life" 

she continued

"without ever really living" 

i sat up, "wait, you mean 

without ever thinking about 

our own death" 

she broke out in that ridiculously

beautiful smile she has 

"can't you see? you can 

never really live until 

you've seen your death" 

"seen it?" 

"yup, face to face, 

felt its cold breath 

against your skin" 

i scratched my head

"seems traumatizing" i muttered 

"yes absolutely, but then 

life can become totally life, 

it's a paradox.."

her voice trailed away 

the fire in her eyes faded 

i think a part of me 

experienced a death just then. 

later as i drove home 

it started to rain 

i turned the radio off so

I could hear the raindrops 

patter against my car 

"it's a paradox.. " i murmured 

a paradox 

 

finitude

finitude

smash against ego

breakwall

obscure horizon

dawn

glowing sun

time will lift us

snowflakes in the wind
never back here again
and time will lift us
higher than the sky
to soar, to die, goodbye

they're all fictions
these escapes
scraped together dictions
sustain us in the night
secretly fighting
shadowland

to live just once
upon the grassy plain
to strain against the
brightest yellow sun
ah life embodied
sweep me with your 
starry eye
to soar, to die, goodbye

Autumn Wind

Autumn wind in

Haunting bone

Transpires on the

Fissured face 

Love's sole grace her 

Last embrace 

Then down into an

Earthy grave 

When last leaf falls 

Goodbye to all 

Goodbye to Spring and

Summer 

The Winter sleep 

So dark, so deep 

how we ran

how we ran on

smiling feet

over fresh cut fields

breathing sunny air of youth

and now dear cousin

you’re broke in half

(with my heart)

as death comes

from inside to

wipe away your smile

how can that

immortal light fade

from your eyes?

how can your feet

be stilled?

the boys are gone

the boys are gone and
the chairs stand empty
at their Thursday meet
we cannot cheat the grave
or save ourselves from
their fated journey
but i'll miss our talks and
sunny walks around
the green, green park
with your little black dog
who loves those squirrels
and you the best
it's time to rest
dear neighbour
time to rest

a prairie flower

a prairie flower
wilted and gone
what life those rays
gave to the green
ground and eyes...
       
            May 27, 2020

the spirit of death

the spirit of death
tinged with fearful
anticipation of permanence
spins about me today like a
dust devil
promising dissolution
nothing
questions and curiosities
about our nature
whispering:

"you cease to exist"
but here i am
only knowing existence
"they meditate on 
celestial kingdoms 
but there are none"
i've seen
the green rolling hills of
Other-where
"there is a doubt"
i'm flesh and blood
"soon not even that"
i know
"your name as the faded 
graves you've visited
forgotten and desolate"
what's in a name?
"as arbitrary as life"
i should rejoice in it
"yes try to forget"
live in the moment
"the end comes
irresistibly regardless"
leave me alone
let me forget
"you've seen my face"
i've seen it and know
"your clarity is a
gnawing worm"
i've seen
Other things
"they are fanciful visions"
i will ignore them no longer

the spirit left me then
not with its usual laughter
carrying a spear
its tip encasing a
black vacuum
disappointed or
indifferent