ex ego

where there is a true word 

there is the meaning of life 

and my whole being in this world 

is not even the smallest breath 

in the hurricane of its saying

touched

touch me lightly

first nirvana thought, 

sublime terror, 

razor's edge of madness 

"once you see it 

you're done for kid" 

and he wasn't wrong 

its paralysis promise

whispers in these ringing ears 

"you will believe in miracles" 

these screaming miracles 

like a whistling kettle 

this is just a consequence 

of crystal almond eyes

"you have to look" he said

"beyond every idea, to the Real" 

i finally did it 

but we're not meant to see 

Reawakening

Life, for me, has been an oscillation between poetry and prose, unconscious and conscious existence. I suspect it's the same for many people, in its own way.  Lately I've been able to cultivate a vision of the world, only in part, in which I see everything around me as if I was a soul returned to a body.  How would you -feel-, how would you -see-, if you had one last chance to see the world after having lost everything to that eternal night of slumber?  Can you find it within yourself to see the world as if having lost it?

when words fail

when words fail to describe the beauty in my eye, i can only show you what i see, with hands, gentle touch, a presence there upon the grassy slope by wine dark water.

but there are things i cannot show you, divine, sacred, revealed out of themselves, upon those grassy slopes by wine dark waters.

one night not far from the dancing ground, in a little green tent upon the moonlit hill, i heard the song of two women humming like cicadas, drawing me up into a light, until coyote broke my will and drew me back to earth.  

goodbye sisters, goodbye light, coyote laughing in the night, but i love him all the more for it.

reach through

reach through
the thinnest veil
transparent to
your smiles and
glowing white teeth
in a suntanned
summer face
we embraced
each other there
where the old
ways touched
our ears
how strong
your arms!
how healthy in decay
before day
breaks this revelry..
a gift?
a warning or presage?
i miss you,
either way

the spirit of death

the spirit of death
tinged with fearful
anticipation of permanence
spins about me today like a
dust devil
promising dissolution
nothing
questions and curiosities
about our nature
whispering:

"you cease to exist"
but here i am
only knowing existence
"they meditate on 
celestial kingdoms 
but there are none"
i've seen
the green rolling hills of
Other-where
"there is a doubt"
i'm flesh and blood
"soon not even that"
i know
"your name as the faded 
graves you've visited
forgotten and desolate"
what's in a name?
"as arbitrary as life"
i should rejoice in it
"yes try to forget"
live in the moment
"the end comes
irresistibly regardless"
leave me alone
let me forget
"you've seen my face"
i've seen it and know
"your clarity is a
gnawing worm"
i've seen
Other things
"they are fanciful visions"
i will ignore them no longer

the spirit left me then
not with its usual laughter
carrying a spear
its tip encasing a
black vacuum
disappointed or
indifferent

A vision

On the day that you were born

An angel blew a silver horn 

And from his book a page was torn 

While in his hand a bloody thorn 

Moon and stars did fill the sky 

From mother's lips a happy sigh

Father hid his frightened eye

And all that was began to die. 

Double vision

Vision

"Now when something is revealed to us we see it, and the response to this revelation is not faith in the unseen or hope in Divine promises but vision, seeing face to face after we have been seeing through a glass darkly. Vision is the end of religion, and the destruction of the physical universe is the clearing of our own eyesight."  Northrop Frye

Seeing

“What,” it will be Questioned, “When the Sun rises, do you not see a round Disk of fire somewhat like a Guinea?” O no no, I see an Innumerable company of the Heavenly host crying “Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God Almighty.” -Blake

what do you see
when this vast panoply
opens up before you?
guinea in the sun
host around the Son

there's a clue here
a key to the Real

Evening vision

As I rested on my bed my mind was opened and I had visions of what was still to come.  I was standing in my parent's house, the home of my youth, and through the Southern window I could see the hills of the far valley lifting up to the sky.  Suddenly a dark cloud, as high above the valley as the top of the valley was to the trees below, moved from the East to the West.  I looked and saw the Western edge of the cloud had a mouth about a third of the way up from the bottom.  Out of this mouth was rushing fire, and it destroyed everything in its path.  The valley was burned up, and the trees were reduced to ash.  The bottom of the cloud began to glow from the fire it reflected from below.  The cloud grew in size until it covered the entire blue sky.  Fear seized me and everyone who was in the house, but there was nothing we could do.  As the cloud continued to move to the West it eventually disappeared, leaving behind ruin in its wake, on land and in the sky. For the blue sky had completely vanished and was replaced with the clear black sky of night.  I could see the stars in the sky, even though it was the middle of the day.  Suddenly I remembered this verse: "And the heavens receded like a scroll being rolled up..."  And it occurred to me that this is what this verse truly meant.  Only there the stars fell to the earth, while here they continued to shine in the dark sky.